Making the decision to part ways is a difficult decision to make. When kids are involved, the challenge of settling a divorce and coparenting on amicable terms can be a challenge. Uncontested divorces are best for all parties involved to expedite the separation process so you, your spouse, and your children can begin to heal. But, how do you handle parenting post-divorce without building resentment and hatred toward one another. Here are the top three tips you can use to ensure your divorce is handled with as much congeniality as possible, for your children’s sake.
1. Don’t put your child in the middle.
Avoid using your children to convey messages between you and your ex-spouse. Doing this causes undue emotional stress to your children and can only serve to drive a wedge between your family. If you are unable to communicate verbally with your ex-spouse, try other outlets such as through emails. When speaking about your children be sure to stay on topic and focus on what important details need to be conveyed. Bringing up past transgressions, hurling insults, or allowing your feelings to get the best of you will only make it harder in the future for you and your ex-spouse to see eye to eye.
2. Give your child time and space to share their feelings.
Even when not in cases of a divorce, children, especially teens feel that their voices are not heard. Having to cope with a divorce, uncontested or otherwise, is a loss for you and your children. You may be feeling a whirlwind of emotions, but allow your child time to speak their mind as well. Encouraging your child to share their concerns, thoughts, fears, etc is a great way to allow your child the time and support to heal from the separation. Seek to first listen and not to criticize. You want your child to feel comfortable sharing how they really feel and should not reprimand them for their feelings. Getting through a divorce can be hard for everyone involved, but the more open you are with allowing your child to have a say in what is going on, the faster they can heal during this process.
3. Avoid questioning your child.
When your child spends time with your ex-spouse, it is important to remember that, that is their time with their parent. If they choose to share what they did, talked about, who they visited, etc, that is their choice. Try not to question them to the third degree to get information about your ex-spouse. Asking general questions like “Did you have fun?” is okay. Grilling your child about every detail of their time with your ex-spouse can cause your child to have an emotional response and start to withdraw.
Choosing to end a marriage can be a challenging decision to make, especially when you have children together. But, giving your children ways to express their thoughts and have time to heal is key to them adjusting to their new family structure.
If you are considering an uncontested divorce or would like a free divorce consultation, contact the experienced family law attorneys at Wilson Brown Law, PLLC today at 210-787-4637.